And Now We Wait

My due date was on Sunday.¹ The passenger has shown no signs whatsoever that he plans to emerge anytime soon. I know plenty of women get no forewarning but I am nevertheless getting anxious and impatient. Give me a sign! No “lightening.” No mucus plug. I’m not even sure I’ve felt any Braxton-Hicks.

I’m logistically ready. I could stand to be more organized but everything I need is in this house. The car seat is installed, just in case we need to go to the hospital. I just packed a hospital bag with clothes for me; footie pyjamas for baby; a devastatingly cute hat for baby; a swaddle blanket; my medical records; and a Captain Crunch oatmeal bar. It sits ominously by the door with a post-it declaring “HOSPITAL BAG” so my mom doesn’t put it away somewhere.

Every day since 39 weeks I’ve written my Unborn a little letter informing him that today would be a perfect day to emerge. It’s sunny and I got you tulips. It’s cloudy and there’s a blue jay on the laundry line. It’s raining and the Knicks are playing.

Every day I find more things to do around the house. Maybe he’s waiting for me to put up this curtain? Weed the asparagus bed? Clean the medicine cabinet? What is he waiting for??

And every day that he doesn’t come, the expected date of his arrival gets later. I know this is just how the laws of probability work but I feel personally victimized by it.

We will not be going past May 26 thank you very much (Labor Probability Calculator)

I’ve had one of the smoothest pregnancies of anyone I know. At 39 weeks I sang for six hours straight and called a dance. I don’t have much swelling even now. I wore compression socks preemptively when I was traveling and hiking a lot at 30ish weeks but haven’t needed them since. My worst complaints, physically, have been heartburn and eczema on my belly. Oh, and I guess I have been peeing myself since 17 weeks —practically every time I cough, sneeze or laugh, no matter when I last emptied my bladder — which has been inconvenient. I know I should have seen a pelvic floor therapist but who has the time?

I have also been plagued by “pregnancy brain.” At one point I was on a work call and couldn’t call to mind a formula that I’ve used a thousand times. It’s so simple I should have been able to derive it on the spot but I couldn’t do that either. Bemoaning my reduced cognitive ability to my manager later, he said “At least you know it’s pregnancy brain, because the only alternative is incredibly early onset dementia.”

Anyway, now we wait…… Or do we? My midwife has strongly advised me not to try to induce labor by any means. She says the baby will negotiate with my body and they’ll decide when the right time is. On the other hand, the ARRIVE trial (n=6,106) seems very clear that induction at 39 weeks for first-time moms results in fewer c-sections and better perinatal outcomes than waiting for spontaneous labor.

I’m taking the middle path and trying everything short of going and getting induced at the hospital. Acupressure, curb walking, dancing, eating pineapples, sex, tricking the baby by booking tickets to things with no refund. My friend said her mom attributes her labor to starting Tale of Two Cities — so if I get desperate I’ll try that.

1. Mother’s Day! He did not get the memo.