Week 16

Notes from the field (warning: sex)

Seventeen weeks today. The main symptom for the past week has been a persistent tension headache. It was constant for three days. It’s resurfaced for a few hours here and there. My midwife recommended B6, Magnesium, ginger capsules, and rubbing lavender salve on my temples, along with frequent smallish meals to keep my blood sugar smooth. She’s told me not to take acetaminophen. I took some anyway — it’s a Class B medication, fuck off — but it didn’t make a dent in the headache. Ginger capsules seemed ridiculously expensive so I passed on them. The other things seem to have helped.

In other news, here’s what Baby’s head looks like around now:

“Woolly hair” (lanugo) covers his whole head. His eyelids won’t open until month seven. Lennart Nilsson photo. Highly recommend his book “A Child Is Born!”

I “popped” this week — I can finally see a little bump. My uterus is the size of a large cantaloupe. Baby probably measures between five and six inches crown to rump, so he still has plenty of space and it’s not unusual not to have felt any movement yet.

But I think I felt him tonight! Mr Ridgeline¹ was over. He made me come, explosively, then turned me over and started anal-fucking me. Just then, when my stomach was pressed against the bed, I think I felt the first fluttering from Baby. “What in the goddamn hell his going on,” he said. I’ve heard it described as fluttering most often, but also like a worm, or a goldfish in a bag. This felt like an energetic little goldfish.

Week Seventeen. I’m trying to figure out if he could have been getting poked (not worried about Baby; just curious). I think not.

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This will be my second Christmas since my separation. Last Christmas Eve I did a one-night little solo backpacking trip up a mountain. I might repeat that although my hips aren’t feeling the greatest so less elevation would probably be best. I love being in the woods alone. Among other things it reminds me that I can count on me.

I don’t want to be doing this child project alone, really. Seeing dads with their little ones lately has made me pretty viscerally sad. But right now I can’t imagine a person I’d rather do this with than myself (and my community).

Mom friends have already filled my wardrobe with maternity clothes and started passing down baby stuff. I have dozens of people I can call on, and (even better?) who will call me to ask if I want feedback² on my baby registry. I feel blessed.

That’s all for now. Thanks for reading.

1. https://substack.com/home/post/p-173654726

2. I had a Nook brand “orthodontic” pacifier on there that was flat instead of triangular, which if you’re planning to breastfeed is bad! Teaches baby to flatten your nipple (ouch). Thanks, lactation specialist aunt! I’ll probably write lessons learned about baby paraphernalia.